Crazy College Essay that actually got accepted

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Hey guys. You should definitely take a look at my latest blog at http://www.irfantahir.com where I talk about my travels and study abroad. Thanks.

Today I stumbled upon this college essay, which being called crazy, would be an understatement. Clearly the author meant to pass on some sort of message like “I’m so awesome, I don’t need your help”. I don’t know whether the admission officers would be laughing their ass off while reading this or just looking at each other, perplexed. I am a little too suspicious about the credibility of this, but it’s a must read.

This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author,
Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.

3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO
KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING
QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A
PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of
charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

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Summer Plans

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The first and foremost thing I am going to do right after my last exam (June 14th) is take a vow to blog every single day. As of now I wouldn’t even rate my writing as an Average. It is pathetic. Over the last few years I’ve grown this certain kind of addiction to reading other’s blogs. I have observed how my own very good friends grown into such remarkable writers. Their blogs are famous globally as of now but a few years back I was one of the few people contributing to their monthly blog views. So it is decided. Project Blog Every Day will start this summer. No matter what, I will write everyday!

One of the major events this summer would be going to a Summer School somewhere around the world. For those of you unfamiliar with summer school, I should familiarize you that it is about a month’s program that universities in Europe and America offer to high school students around the world so that they can experience university life beforehand. This year I got in at New York University Summer School and Oxbridge Academic Summer School, both on partial scholarship. But it seems likely I am going to Germany this summer on full scholarship to a Youth Teen camp to enhance my German language skills. As it is not confirmed yet, details are to be uploaded soon.

And what else has summer in store for me? Well as to not contradict my last post, I would like to not plan out my whole summer even though I do have some pretty important stuff that will be going on. I plan to get some sort of internship and write a research paper on International Relations under the supervision of a university professor. And of course, the SAT and college applications are there, smirking at me from the far corners of August.

I finally got a new phone: Sony Ericsson Live Walkman. It’s the best phone out there for this price, RS.17,500. Finally I can tweet on the go through Twicca for Android. Life is so much easier.